Don't Love Me Now
by AdoreTheMadness
Summary: Rick had an affair with Jessa, convincing her that his marriage was over. She loved him- he loved her. When Lori finds out, Rick is forced to tell the truth, and Jessa is heartbroken. When Rick is shot, and the dead rise, both of the women who loved Rick Grimes are forced to survive together. But what happens when Rick returns? How will he feel when Jessa finds comfort in Shane?
1. Chapter one: TWD

**Hello readers!**

 **I've written this story at least twice before, and have never finished due to account issues. Please note that this is not a stolen story- I can't access my other account where I've started this story once before ('You Sold Me Out To Save Yourself'). If anyone previously followed this story, I want to apologize for abandoning it.** **With that said, I hope everyone enjoys the read! Feel free to leave feedback.**

 **Thanks!**

* * *

 _One_

The lights were dim, there were fresh flowers and candles on every table, the music was slow and romantic- _what a beautiful place,_ I thought. I've dated a handful of men in my life, but not one of them has made me feel as special as Rick does. He has a way of making me feel like I'm worth more than gold. _I loved that._

I looked at my watch, _6:06._ I shook my head, _he's late,_ I thought.

Running six minutes late isn't enough to make me angry, but Rick is usually never late. _I was a little worried._ I bit my lip, and pulled out my phone. _Hey,_ I texted. _Everything okay?_ Before I could set my phone on the table, I felt it vibrate. _Pullin in now, sry._

I stuck my phone in my purse, and watched Rick get out of his car through the window, letting out a sigh. We've been seeing each other for a little more than eight months, but I still get that bottomless feeling in my stomach whenever I see him.

I gave him a slight wave as he walked to the table, and he greeted me with a half smile. _Something isn't right._ He looks shaken and frustrated. "Sorry I'm late," he said, sitting down, pulling the menu to his face. _No kiss? No hug? Nothing?_

"Can I get you something to drink, sir?" The waiter asked. "Just water," Rick said flatly, without taking his eyes off the menu. I swallowed hard, clearing my throat, "something wrong?" I asked. He slapped the menu on the table, and rubbed his eyebrows with his thumb and pointer finger, still not looking at me. "Rick?" I whispered, pulling his arm away from his face. "What's going on with you?"

He let out a loud sigh, "Lori," he muttered, making eye contact with me. _Lori?_ I was confused. I knew Lori had given him problems before, but never to the point where he would act like this. "What about her?" I asked, taking a sip of wine. He shook his head, putting his hand by his chin, "she looked through my phone," he said. "Sh'found all the text, all the picture, all the God damned voice mails." His voice was trailing off, and he pulled his chair into the table. "She screamed at me. Asked me how I could do this to her- told me I didn't care about her or our son."

 _I was still confused._ Rick and I met two years ago when I got a job as a dispatcher at the police station he worked at. We were friendly, but never got into anything serious until our company's Christmas party. He'd told me that he and Lori decided to end their marriage, and that the only reason they had stayed together as long as they did, was for their son, but neither of them could handle the pressure and stress that they put on each other, and that they both made a mutual decision to file for divorce.

"Why would she say all of that?" I asked. He didn't say anything, he just looked at me with a stare that I couldn't read. I could feel the anxiety building in my heart. "Rick?" I whispered, grabbing his hand, forcing him to look at me. " _Why_ would she say all of that?"

Again, he said nothing. I could tell by the look in his eyes that his silence held something that was going to break me in half. "Can you just say somthin'?" I begged with an uncomfortable smile.

 _Nothing._

I pushed my back against the chair, and folded my arms. "Is she saying all of these things because you're not really separated?" I asked, fearing the answer. He looked at me with sorrow in his eyes, and at that moment, he didn't have to say anything- I knew the answer: The reason his _wife_ was so upset when she saw our texts, saw my pictures in his phone and listened to my voice mails, is because they were separated. I felt like I had just been punched him my chest. I put my hand over my mouth and looked and him with heartbreak in my eyes. "Say it," I said, my voice was shaking. "Tell me the truth- tell me why she's pissed about what was on your phone." I could feel my stomach knotting as he took a deep breath, and grabbed my hand, looking me right in the eyes. "We're not separated," he blurted. I squeezed his hand, and then pushed it away from me.

I looked down at my lap, trying to hold back tears. "I'm- I'm going to leave," I managed, standing from my chair. "Jess- please- wait," he begged, grabbing my arm.

"Have a good night, Rick," I said, pulling my arm away from him. I slung my purse over my shoulder and walked away. My mind was on fire; I felt like I was walking on air. _Why is this happening?_ I wondered. _God damn it Jessa- how could you be so fucking stupid. He used you, that son of a bitch **used** you. For what? Why? _

I stopped walking. My mouth went dry, my mind went blank and without even thinking, I practically ran back to the table. "You know something?" I shouted, causing everyone's attention to be on us. "You're a piece of shit."

Rick looked around the room, noticing we had an audience. _I didn't care._ He stood from the table, "Please, Jess, calm down," he pleaded, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Get your fucking hand off of me," I yelled, pushing him away from me. "Can you even fathom what you've done to me?" I said with a chuckle. "How much God damned time I've wasted on you- _on this_."

"Jessa, please- we can go outside and talk- not here."

"What is there to talk about?" My voice was getting louder as each second passed. "What? How you took advantage of me? How you lied?" I felt a tap on my shoulder, "Miss," the hostess whispered, "you're going to have to keep it down, or we're going to ask you to leave."

"Don't worry: I'm leaving," I shouted. I glared at Rick, who was clearly mortified. "I hate you," I growled. "With every bone in my fucking body. You're not a _man-_ you're a selfish, worthless piece of trash for what you did to me." I picked up my glass of wine, noticing everyone's eyes were still on Rick and I. I took a small sip before splashing what was left in Rick's face. "Explain that one to your _wife,"_ I spat, and walked away.

The restaurant was completely silent as I walked to the door- I didn't care about causing a scene. _I didn't care about anything._

I ran to my car, struggling with the keys. _I was about to break._ I climbed into the driver's seat, pulling down the visor to look at myself in the mirror. I felt a single tear fall down my cheek, "bastard," I cried, wiping my face. I felt numb- _I was heartbroken._

I could see Rick walking toward my car through my side view mirror. I threw my car into reverse, nearly hitting him as I pulled away.

"How could you do this to me?" I shouted at no one, nearly swerving into the other lane. "God damn it- _I loved you."_


	2. Chapter two: TWD

_Two_

"Hey Amy. It's Jessa," I muttered through the phone. "I'm going to need someone to fill in for me again today- I'm still not feeling my best."

"Okay," my supervisor said, sounding sympathetic. "I'll need you to try and be here tomorrow; I won't have anyone to cover your shift."

"I think I'll be alright tomorrow- these stomach bugs only last a few days."

"Alright sweetheart, you get some rest and get t'feeling better. Okay?"

"Thank you, I'll see you tomorrow- have a good afternoon."

Lying to my boss was the last thing I wanted to do, but I couldn't face him. I couldn't walk into a building knowing that I'd run into him and have to act as if nothing was wrong. _So I lied,_ and called out of worked for the last two days, claiming that I had an awful stomach virus, when really I was chain smoking, looking through pictures of Rick and I, and fighting myself _not_ to answer any of his apologetic text messages.

 _Jess, I need to explain myself._

 _I don't know why I did what I did. I didn't mean to hurt you. Please. Just call me so I can explain everything._

 _I care about you. I need you to please call me. Please._

I wanted to hear his explanation more than anything. _It was killing me,_ but I resisted. Rick had put a dent in my soul, and with each sorry-filled-text, I felt like I was being ripped apart, limb by limb. I spent most of my time wondering how I didn't see it- how I could've been so blind and _so_ stupid. I never once questioned Rick's honesty; when he said something, I believed it. He seemed like the perfect gentleman to me- _the perfect man, even._ He presented himself with such _care_ and class. I never would've imagined that he would be capable to doing something so disgusting.

I thought he loved me- even though he never said ' _I love you_ ', I could feel it; every single time he touched me, every time he smiled at me.

The more I thought about my relationship with Rick, the more I realized just how clueless I was. _I should've known._

Rick had told me not to tell anyone that we were dating- not his friends, not my friends, _no one,_ and we had to keep it that way until his divorce was finalized. " _I don't want to make things worse for Carl,"_ he explained. " _He's having a hard time with all of this as is. If either of them found out I moved on- they'd be pretty upset."_ Like a teenage girl who found her first love, I agreed without hesitation.

I walked into the kitchen. I hadn't eaten anything since the day my world fell around me, and I was starving. I grabbed the bread from the top of my fridge, and a picture of Rick and I fell, literally, into my hands. _Really?_ I thought.

Reluctantly, I looked at the picture, turning my back to the fridge and sliding to the floor. A weak smile crept across my face as my eyes filled with tears. _I remember that day,_ I thought, as I swept my thumb across his face. Every now and then, Rick and I would go on a weekend trip, and _this day,_ he got us a beautiful hotel room, overlooking the city of Atlanta. There we were, in the picture, standing on the balcony, face-to-face, almost kissing. I bit my lip, shaking my head as I felt a tear run down my cheek.

My phone vibrated in my pocket: _I want to tell you I'm sorry in person.. Pls, let me._ I let out a small sigh, and threw it across the room. I pulled the cigarette from behind my ear, lighting it, taking a long pull, still looking at the picture. _Don't give in,_ I thought. _It's over now._

I put the picture over the flame from my lighter. _Let it go._ I watched as the fire crept closer to our smiling faces. _I can't._ I quickly got up, running over to the sink, smothering the flames with a rag. I stared at us for a few seconds longer, before walking over to my now-cracked phone, and opening Rick's text message.

 _After work tomorrow.. We can talk then._

I stared at the message, debating whether or not to hit _send._ I took a deep breath, putting my finger on the off-button, and turning off my phone. _Don't give in,_ I thought, biting at the skin on my lip. _Don't give in to_ _ **him.**_


	3. Chapter three: TWD

_Three_

 _"Can I get another, please?" I asked the bartender, placing my empty bottle of beer on the bar._

 _"You don't drink them girly drinks?" I heard coming from behind me. "Nope," I said, spinning around to face a smiling Rick Grimes. "I'm more of a beer girl."_

 _"Make that two," he shouted, slapping his money down, pushing mine aside._

 _"You don't have to," I chuckled._

 _"I know," he muttered. "But I want to."_

 _"Well, I do appreciate it." He handed me my cold bottle of beer, leaning his back against the bar, "how y'doing tonight?"_

 _"I'm good," I said, taking a swig from the bottle. "What'n the hell are you wearing?" I chocked, pointing to his sweater._

 _Rick tossed his hands back, pumping his chest, "you like my cats?" He laughed. His sweater took the 'cheesy Christmas sweater' to a whole new level: It was stripped with red, green and gold, and had at least 100 smiling-cat-faces, all of which had fuzz on them. "I wouldn't say that I like it," I giggled, rubbing the back of my thumb over the cat's 'fur'. "I guess it's kind of cute- **kind of**."_

 _Rick laughed, taking a huge sip from his bottle. "Shane and me," he explained. "We compete every year-" he took another swig, "see who can find the most ridiculous, stupid, ugly sweater." I raised my eyebrows and cocked my head, "I think you got this one in the bag." He sighed, "I hope so. He got me last year-"_

 _" **Rick!** " We heard being shouted from across the room- it was Shane. I looked up at Rick, and saw his eyes open wide, "no way. How?" He grunted, pounding his fist against the bar. _

_"I think I got'ya this year, bud," Shane grinned, holding his hands out to display his crafty sweater, that was bright, **bright** red, with a Christmas tree that had actual dangling bells that lit up in all different colors. "Man," Rick moaned. "How?" He looked literally depressed. _

_"Two years in a row," Shane mocked, throwing his arm over Rick's shoulders. "You gone have't step it up, man- I almost feel bad."_

 _"Where'n the fuck did you find this?" I asked, flicking one of his **sweater bells.**_

 _"My grandma made it for me," he nodded in pride._

 _"She did good-"_

 _"I can't stand your grandma," Rick joked._

 _"Ey man, you don't say that on lasagna night," Shane poked at Ricks chest, laughing. "I'm gone find someone with a camera; I want to keep your disappointed look on my fridge forever."_

 _Rick pushed Shane away, "Yeah, yeah." I shook my head, "that's unbelievable," I giggled._

 _"Every damn time," he whispered. I admired Rick and Shane's friendship. They were closer than any two people I have ever known, truly brothers, **without being brothers.** I took a deep breath, "this is nice," I muttered, taking another sip from my now-warm-beer. _

_Rick nodded, "company always throws a decent Holiday party- gives us all something to look forward to."_

 _I put my empty bottle of beer of the bar, gesturing to the bartender to get me another. Again, Rick pulled out his wallet, and I pushed it aside, "on me this time," I smiled._

 _"You don't have to," he mocked._

 _I threw my head back, "I kind'a have to now- you know, since you bought me one and all."_ _We both let out a laugh, and he nudged me with his shoulder. "Well, I **do** appreciate it." _

_I put my back up against the bar, taking a long sip from my bottle, "where's the wife tonight?" I asked. Rick looked uncomfortable by my question: the smile fell from his face, and he dropped his head. "We, uh-" he cleared his throat. "We decided to end things not too long ago." I instantly felt like an asshole. "Oh. Rick- I'm- I'm sorry, I didn't know. When did that happen? Y'all seemed fine when I ran into you at the store not long ago."_

 _He bowed his head, "yeah- a couple'a weeks ago- I haven't really told anyone- been tryin' to keep it to myself."_

 _"Right. I won't tell anyone- that's a damn shame."_

 _Shane walked over to us with a girl that I worked with in dispatch. Rick regained his composure, shaking his head at me, basically telling me to **let it go.** I nodded. _

_"Picture time," Shane yelled, still sporting that winning-grin. "Get that **damn it I lost** look back on your face." Rick turned his face into a seriously sad one, while Shane stood over him, giving his sweater the finger; I couldn't help but laugh. "Thank you, Michelle," Shane said. "I'm gone send this to everyone- it'll be my Christmas card." _

_"Will you shut up?" Rick sighed, jokingly punching his best friend in the arm._

 _"Don't hate, man- it's all love."_

 _As the night went one, Rick and I talked more, laughed more and **drank more.** By the end of the party, we were both shot in the ass. _

_"What time is it even?" I slurred._

 _"Late," Rick laughed._

 _"Well- I can't drive. You can't either," I pointed._

 _"Me?" Rick smiled, leaning back in his chair. "I can drive."_

 _"No. If anyone should know that that's not right, it's you **officer.** "_

 _"I'll be fine," he insisted, chugging down the rest of the beer in his mug. "Won't be the first time."_

 _"Then you, **officer** , will be driving me home; I'm not goin't be the one who gets in trouble." It was no secret that police officers are treated different. If Rick got pulled over drunk, they'd just tell him to haul his ass home and that'd be the end of it. "That's fine," he said, folding his arms. "You want to go now?" _

_I pulled out my phone, "Yeah. It's almost one in the mornin' and I'm tired as shit."_

 _Rick laughed, helping me out of my chair and out to his truck. He opened the passenger door for me, "well aren't you just a gentlemen?" I smiled, as he helped me in his truck._

 _"You caught me on a good day."_

 _I didn't live very far from the bar- maybe five minutes. I was usually against drinking and driving, but when I guess when you're drunk, your **give a damn button** is broken. _

_Rick and I laughed at the fact that he was a law enforcer who was breaking the law. "You're too good at this," I said, my voice was husky._

 _"At what- driving?"_

 _" **Drunk** driving; you must do it a lot." _

_"Only when a pretty girl needs a ride home."_

 _We both broke out in a laugh. "That was one of the worse things I've ever heard," I yelled._

 _"Then you haven't been around me long enough-"_

 _"This road here," I interrupted._

 _"Thanks for telling me ahead of time," he laughed._

 _Rick pulled in front of my house crookedly. We sat there in silence, staring at my front door. I swallowed hard, "I make a good Margarita," I bragged, leaning my back against the seat of his truck. "Maybe I can make you one for driving me home?"_

 _He stared at me for a few seconds with his crystal-blue-eyes. "I won't be able to drive if I drink anymore," he said with a half smile. **I knew what he was doing,** and I knew what I was doing by inviting him in. I licked my bottom lip, as a smile crept across my face, "I never said you had to leave."_


	4. Chapter four: TWD

_Four_

I felt like I couldn't catch my breath; I could literally feel the anxiety pumping through my body. I hadn't been this nervous since I moved out of my parent's house.

Walking into this building, into the same building as Rick, was killing me. What do I do? How do I act? What should I do if he catches me in a room and it's just him and I? What do I do?

I was lost within myself: I didn't want to see him, but I did. I was dreading this day, but I was excited. I hated him more than I've ever hated anything in my life, but I loved him more than the air I was breathing.

I took one last pull from my cigarette, before stepping out of my car, and walking into work with my head hung low. I walked directly to the break room. Hands sweating, mouth dry, heart absolutely pounding- I was alone. Thank God.

I paced over to the coffee maker, fumbling with my own hands. He's going to walk in here any second now, I know it- I can feel it. My brain and my body weren't connecting, and I ended up spilling sugar all over the floor. "God damn it," I shouted, bending over and sweeping up the mess with my hands, when I heard footsteps.

Shit, I thought. Shit, shit, shit. With every footstep, my heart throbbed, almost coming out of my throat. Here he comes, right on the fucking dot- like always.

Everyday, at the same time, Rick would come into the break room to eat his breakfast and read the paper. If I would've thought to look at the clock, I would've stayed in my car.

I held my breath as I heard whoever walk into the room.

"Mornin' Jess."

I felt like the weight of the world broke off of my chest- Shane.

"How you doin' today, Shane?" I asked, making no progress with the spilled sugar.

"I'm alright," he answered. "You don't look like you're having that great of a time," he smiled softly. I stood up, dusting my hands off on my pants. "I'm not. I'm really not."

"There's an easier way to do that y'know?" Shane bent down, opening that cabinet door that the coffee pot sat on, pulling out a dust pan. I shook my head, "I don't know what's wrong with me today," I blurted, putting my hand out to grab the dust pan.

"I'll get if for ya," he offered. "Why don't you sit down; you look pale." Great. "Thank you, Shane- it seems like I need all the help I can get today."

I was so busy worrying about how cracked out that I must've looked, that I didn't realize Shane was alone. I've worked here for a while now, and I've hardly ever seen Rick and Shane apart. Maybe he called out? I thought. Maybe he's just as upset as I am? I didn't ask Shane where his partner was; I didn't want to jinx myself. I was just going to pour myself a cup of coffee, and get out of there as fast as I could, hopefully missing Rick altogether.

"We all got them days," Shane whispered. I assumed he was trying to make me feel better. "Ain't nothin' to be ashamed of."

I rushed up to the steaming coffee pot, trying to move as fast as I could. Do not spill this damn thing again, Jessa. Finally, I got the coffee safely into my cup. I smiled at Shane, and bolted for the hallway. "Well, thank you again," I said as I rushed out.

I got half way out of the door, "Jess, wait!" Shane shouted, pouring his cup of coffee and walking toward me. Oh Christ, does he know? Please don't tell me he knows.

"We're takin' up a collection for Rick. 'Gone get him some flowers or some shit." Flowers? "Tony's got a pot up front. He'll give me the money after my shift- I'll get a card, have everybody sign it- go give it to'm."

I was confused. Why would Rick need a card and flowers? Was he that upset? I hope Shane isn't fucking with me.

"What?" I asked. "Why would Rick need flowers?" There was a drop of attitude in my voice. Shane looked at me as if I had two heads. "You call out yesterday or somethin'?" He asked with an unsettling smile.

"Yeah," I answered. "I was sick- the flu or something."

"You might want to sit down, maybe," He said, clearly looking uncomfortable. I walked over to the couch, still confused, sitting down and putting my coffee on the table.

Shane took a deep breath, scratching the back of his head, "Rick got shot yesterday- he's in the ICU- in a coma."

"Wha-?" I whispered, clenching my chest. "Shot?"

Shane nodded, confirming my nightmare.

Shot?


	5. Chapter five: TWD

**I hope everyone is enjoying the story thus far!**

 _Five_

My anger toward Rick was gone.

I stood there, looking over his lifeless body, the only thing I felt was a overpowering sense of helplessness. I wasn't sure what to do- I wanted to express how I felt inside, but I couldn't I had to keep my composure. Shane had brought my to the hospital to visit Rick, and I knew that if I had done what I craved so much to do; hug him, kiss him, cry over him, that Shane would realize that our relationship went way beyond friendship. So, I bottled that _crave_ inside. I wanted to explode.

Rick was grey, and had tubes coming from his mouth. _He didn't look like him._ "You think he'll be okay?" I asked Shane, trying to gain some sort of comfort. "Always been a fighter," he sighed, his voice was full of hope. I nodded, "he'll be okay," I tried to convince myself. But the truth was, I didn't know if Rick was going to be okay. There'd been no change in his condition since he was admitted, and the nurses wouldn't tell Shane or I any more. But, truthfully, I'm not sure if they knew.

I was in a daze. _A few days ago, everything was fine,_ I thought. _How could everything go to shit so fast?_

I snapped back into reality when I heard the door open. "Hey Champ," Shane said. I turned my attention toward _Champ,_ and saw Rick's son, Carl.

I stiffened.

Behind Carl walked in Lori, and I could immediately feel the tension in the room. My heart sank as she and I made eye contact. She took a deep breath, "hi," she said flatly, with a forced grin.

"How ya doin' Lor?" Shane asked, patting Carl on the shoulder. I gave her a faint, anxiety-fill smiled. "Fine," she swallowed, pushing her lips together. "Hey, Jess- can I talk to you in the out here for a sec?" She asked, pointing toward the door. My stomach dropped to my toes, and my heart shot into my throat.

 _"Sure."_

She held the door for me, and as I walked out, I could feel her eyes burning into my soul. "Carl- I want you to stay with Shane for a minute, I won't be long- when I'm done, y'all can leave," she hissed, tapping Shane on his shoulder.

"Sounds good," he replied, sounding confused.

Lori slammed the door, and paced over to me. "Why are you here?" She spat, her brown eyes were open wide.

"Sh- Shane told me what happened," I stuttered. "Wanted to pay my respec-"

"I do not care," she shouted, interrupting me. "You _do not_ come here; that is _my_ husband."

I bit my lip and nodded.

"Do you understand?"

I cleared my throat, "yes- I understand," I whispered.

"Are you sure?" She mocked.

My throat was tight, and I fought back tears, _"Yes."_

She opened the door, gesturing for Shane to come out, "good," she spat.

Shane said his goodbyes to Carl, reassuring him that his father would be okay. He stepped out into the hallway, looking at Lori and I in question. I turned my back to him, still fighting my emotions. "Everything alright here?" He asked, with his eyebrows raised. I looked over my shoulder at Lori, who still hadn't taken her eyes off of me, 'everything is _fine._ "

"Alright," Shane winced. His voice was full of suspicion. He leaned in, hugging Rick's pissed off wife, "you gi'me a call if anything changes."

"I will," she sighed, sending Shane off with a smile; giving me one last look of disgust.

I started walking toward the elevator, hearing the door slam once again, which made me jump. I let out a lung-full of air- _I almost felt violated._ "What was that about?" Shane asked, walking up beside me. I rolled my neck, taking a deep breath, "what?" I growled, acting clueless.

"What'dya mean _what?"_ He chuckled.

"I don't know- she's just upset about Rick. After all, he is _her husband."_

Lori was right to feel the way that she did; I've never faulted her for being bitter, or _hating_ me. But, honestly, I almost felt the same way about her. I didn't know Rick was still married to Lori while we dated. I felt like _she_ was _the other woman._ I often wondered if Rick had ever had the decency to tell her the truth; that he had tricked me, that I truly believed that their marriage was over because that's what he told me. _There's no way he would've told her the truth,_ and that made me feel betrayed all the more.

"Yeah," Shane said, sarcastically.

We walked into the elevator, pushing the button to take us to the lobby. Shane put his arm around my shoulders, "he'll be okay," he insisted.

"I sure hope so," I whispered.

 _Ding._

The door opened, and we stepped out, Shane's arm hanging around my neck.

" _Please_ ," a woman shouted behind the lobby desk. " _Please. He's getting worse._ " She was frantic. I glanced at the child behind her: He was in a wheelchair, sweating, and noticeably out of it. There was a chunk of flesh missing from his shoulder area. " _He hasn't been right since his uncle attacked him a few hours ago. Please. He needs help now,_ " she cried.

"That's a shame," I said, shaking me head as we walked closer to the door.

"People are crazy," Shane muttered, his attention was still on the boy in the wheelchair.

As we made our way to Shane's patrol car, I couldn't help but obsess over Lori's words. _That is my husband-_ her words made me want to vomit. _I'm in love with your husband, I'm sorry._

"Hungry?" Shane asked, hoping into the driver's seat.

"A little. Why?" I chuckled. "You 'gone treat me to lunch?"

"Looks like I ain't got much choice now," he smiled.

"I'll get you back," I offered. He put his hand up, and shook his head, "I won't let ya."

I sighed, trying to start a conversation, "I have to work overnight tomorrow- not really lookin' forward to it."

"Why?" He asked, keeping his attention on the road.

"When I was sick and called out- I got'a make up for it."

 _All responding officers: A domestic dispute at 423 Smith Field Lane. Suspect believed to be intoxicated and violent; proceed with caution._

"That you?" I asked.

"That's me," he answered, picking up his radio. "Officer Walsh responding- no lunch today, little lady. I'll make it up to ya."

"Oh, don't even worry about _that,_ " I said, tapping his leg. "Would you drop me off on the way? My car is still at the station."

Shane picked up speed, turning his sirens on, "drivin' right passed there- won't be a problem."

"Hey," I mumbled as we pulled into the parking lot of our job. "You be careful, yeah?"

"Always," he smiled.


	6. Chapter six: TWD

_Six_

 _I walked out of work exhausted. I hated_ working overnights; there were so man more disturbing calls throughout the night than there would during the day, and going home as the sun was rising threw my scheduled off completely.

I was never the type of person who could just shrug off violent situations that people would call for. I would overthink it- it would freak me out. I received numerous calls this time. Calls of people who were frantic, and begging me for help: " _9 1 1 what's your emergency?" I asked._

 _"_ _Please,_ _" a woman shouted. "I need help._ _Now._ _"_

 _"Okay, ma'm- calm down. What's your location?"_

 _"747 Fall Brooke Road," she struggled. "Please. Please."_

 _"No problem, ma'm. I have officers coming your way now. Can you tell me what's going on?"_

 _"It- it's my husband. He came home from work and attacked our daughter. Oh God,_ _please._ _"_

 _"Try your best to stay calm, ma'm. How is you daughter doing now? How did he attack her? Are y'all in a safe place now?"_

 _"He bit her- through her arm. She's bleeding everywhere. I got us locked in the bathroom, but he's pounding at the door. He'll kill us if he gets in her."_

 _I could hear her daughter screaming in the background. "Ma'm do you know if he has a weapon?"_

 _"I can't say._ _Please. We need help._ _"_

 _"Officers are on their way, ma'm. How old is your daughter?"_

 _"She's nine," the woman cried._

 _"What I want you to do is grab a washcloth- apply pressure to her wound. Okay?" I offered._

 _"I_ _can't,_ _" she shouted. "He'll break through the door- he'll kill us."_

 _"Police should be there soon-"_

 _"Up here," the woman yelled, cutting me off._

 _"Are the officers with you now?" I asked._

 _"Yes," she sighed, sounding less upset. "Thank you."_

 _"9 11 what's your emergency?"_

 _"Hi- yeah. I'm 'gone need you t'send someone out here," a man said with a thick Southern accent._

 _"What's going on, sir?"_

 _"Damn kid's out here losin' his God damned mind."_

 _"Where are you located?"_

 _"M'out here by the school- Park Place neighborhood."_

 _"And could you see if he was armed?"_

 _"I couldn't see that. I locked my damn door. He was actin' aggressive- tryna get at one'a my neighbors."_

 _"Officers should be there shortly. Keep your doors locked, and if anything else happens, give us a call back. Okay?"_

 _"Sure thing, thank you ma'm."_

Iunlocked my car door, sitting in the driver's seat, rubbing my face and wondering how each situation turns out. "Jess?" I heard from the parking lot. "Jess- wait up." _Shane._

"What's up?" I asked leaning out of the car.

"I was 'gone go see Rick after my shift- was wondering if you wanted to come with."

"Oh- I don't know. I'm pretty beat; got a lot of crazy calls last night."

Shane shook his head, "I heard Eric had to use his gun last night- he's pretty beat up about it."

I was shocked. "D'he kill him?" I asked.

We lived in a small town where crime and violence weren't usually a huge problem. However, this last week, things have been _unusually_ hectic: Rick and Shane getting into a gun fight, the child at the hospital who was attacked, all of the calls about people _losing their minds,_ and now one of our officers having to use his weapon on someone. It was unsettling.

Shane scratched the back of his head, "Yeah. He did."

"Oh wow," I bit my lip. "How's he takin' it?"

"I hear not too good- none of us do."

I bit my thumb nail, looking off into the parking lot. "It's getting crazy out there," I sighed.

"It is," Shane agreed. "I'ma let you go, Jess. I don't want'a be late."

"Alright," I smiled. "Be safe; don't want nothin' happenin' to a man who owes me lunch," I joked.

"Don't want nothin' happenin' to a woman that I owe lunch," He chuckled.

Shane and I were never really close; I wouldn't even consider us to be much of friends. But, tragedy brings people together, I guess. Plus, having someone who was close to Rick tell me that he was going to be okay made me feel better.

I stopped at a red light just down the road from the hospital. "Don't do this," I muttered to myself. Lori had made it very clear that she wanted me nowhere near Rick. _But I couldn't resist._ I pulled into the parking lot and sat there, debating with myself. I dug my phone out of my purse, "front desk; this is Karen."

"I need to be transferred to the ICU, please."

I closed my eyes as I was put on hold.

"ICU- this is Cass."

"Hi Cass. I was just wondering; is anyone visiting Rick Grimes at the moment?" I asked, holding my breath.

"I believe his wife and son just walked in with him." I hung up, throwing my phone across the car and freeing my lungs. I closed my eyes as I pushed my head on the steering wheel.

I was in the wrong now, and I knew it. Lori asked me to stay away, but I didn't know how to just _stay away._


	7. Chapter seven: TWD

_Seven_

 _Pound._

 _Pound._

 _Pound._

I shot up out of bed to the sound of banging coming from my front door. I was groggy, and disoriented, "what the fuck?" I grunted, looking at my phone. _9:30 PM- I feel asleep at 11:30 AM._ I rubbed my hand down my face, "I slept _all_ God damned day," I muttered.

 _Pound._

 _Pound._

 _Pound._

"Jesus Christ," I whispered. I practically fell out of bed, fumbling to get my pants on. Whoever was clawing at my door sounded as if they wanted to ambush me. _Who the hell wants to see me at nine-fucking-thirty?_ I was beyond annoyed.

 _Pound._

 _Pound._

 _Pound._

I ran my hand through my hair, quickly buttoning my pants. I was ready to throat-punch whoever was at my door. "I'm coming, I'm coming," I shouted, running down the stair angrily. "You'd better have a good God damned reason for being here," I hissed, throwing open the door. "Can I help you?" I asked with attitude, throwing my hand on my hip. I was shocked to see Shane bug-eyed and sweating. Standing behind him was Lori, shielding her son. She looked at me and shook her head.

"Where ya been?" Shane gasped, rushing passed me into my house.

"Wha- What?" I was confused. "I was sleeping," I said, watching as he walked into my kitchen. _What in the fuck?_

I turned my attention toward Lori and Carl. I wasn't sure what to do. "You- can come in if you'd like," I offered, with a _please don't_ smile. She rolled her eyes, turning her back to me and sitting on my porch steps. "We'll be fine here."

I shut my door, pushing my forehead against my hand. "What'n the fuck is goin' on?" I shouted. I walked into my kitchen, watching Shane ransack _my_ cabinets, tossing _my_ food into a duffel bag. "What are you doin'?"

"I been tryin' to call you all say," he said, taking a breaking from collecting my food. "Where the hell ya been?" He was obviously pissed.

"I told you: I've been sleepin'. You gone tell me what you're doin' here?" I spat, slamming my cabinet doors behind him. "This about Rick?"

He shook his head, "you need to pack. _Now_."

"Pack? For what?" I scrunched my face.

Shane continued rummaging through my things; not looking at me, nor answering me. I was getting worried. "Can you stop for a damn second and tell me what this is about?"

He threw my fridge door open, tossing most of my food into the bag. He reached atop the refrigerator, grabbing my cereal and bread, when the picture of Rick and I fell onto the floor. I gasped as Shane bent down to pick the photo up. "The hell is this?" He asked.

 _I felt my heart fall to the ground._

"It's just a picture."

"Don't look like _just a picture,_ " he exclaimed. "This- this why Lori didn't want to come here?" My hands were shaking, and I was breathing heavily. I ran over to him, grabbing the picture from his hands. "I'm wondering why _any of you_ are here in the first place," I yelled defensively. "Now, you can either tell me, or you can get the hell out."I could feel myself wanting to cry, and I noticed that Shane was now looking at me differently. "Well- which is it?"

Shane shook his head; eyeing up the picture that I had buried in my arms. "There's somethin' going' on," he said, turning his back to grab _more_ food. "Somethin' bad- an outbreak- something. I don't really know."

"What do you mean _an outbreak?_ An outbreak of what?"

"You ain't been watchin' the News?"

I rolled my neck, "I told you I've been sleeping."

"Put the News on- then you need to start packin'."

I slowly turned around, walking out of my kitchen _still_ confused, and, now, a little mortified. _I really hope I'm fucking dreaming._

I sat on my couch, lighting up a cigarette, and turning the television on. The noise from the Emergency Broadcast rang in my ears, and I winced, taking a deep pull off my cigarette. _The following message is being transmitted from the Center of Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia. Government officials have issued a warning for your County: Highly contagious virus. Symptoms of this virus include, but are not limited to: Fever, hallucinations, seizures, vomiting, involuntary muscle spasms and confusion. Do not attempt to detain the infected- limit physical contact with the infected. Civil Authorities have issued a mandatory evacuation of all citizens to safe-zone in Atlanta, Georgia. Please stay tuned for updates and additional information._

Shane sat beside me, putting his hand on my knee. I was froze, with my mouth wide open. "Is this real?" I whispered. He nodded, "we got'a go. Now."

I swallowed, "Yeah- okay." I started up my stairs to pack my things, _then I paused._ "Shane?" I looked back at him, still sitting on my couch. "What about Rick?"

"I tired," he said, putting his hand on his chin. _I felt sick._ "He didn't make it." I could feel my throat tighten, and I continued walking. I pulled a suitcase from my closet, and threw in as much as I could fit: Underwear, socks, bras, toothbrush, toothpaste, shirts, pants and a blanket.

"I'll take that for ya," Shane offered with a smile. I handed him my bag, and looked around my house on last time before walking out. _I was scared._ I picked up the picture of Rick and I from my couch, shoved it in my back pocket and walked out of the door.

Shane, Lori and Carl were waiting for me in my front yard. I sighed as I walked over to them, numb and dazed. "Lets go," Shane said, walking toward his patrol car. Lori tapped Carl on his shoulder, gesturing for him to follow Shane. She turned her attention toward me, and looked into my eyes with a heart-full of hate. "You'd better thank Shane," she grunted. "If it were up to me, I'd let you stay here and _rot."_

* * *

 **TS-19,**

 **I'm super happy to still have your support! I've been watching out for you since I started writing again. I hope you're enjoying the story so far!**

 **Thank you for the review. (:**


	8. Chapter eight: TWD

**I was going to update two chapters tonight, but my server failed to save this chapter, so I had to write it all over again. I'll try and update two chapters tomorrow. I hope everyone is enjoying the story this far in!**

 _Eight_

 _I sat in bed, rubbing my forehead. My mouth was bone-dry, and I felt like I was swaying. "Fucking hangovers," I groaned. I looked to the other side of my king-sized mattress, noticing Rick, who was still sleeping. My eyes opened wide, what'n the hell? I thought. Did I really get that drunk last night? To the point where I don't remember having a man sleep at my house- in my bed at that. Apparently I did._

 _I peeked under the covers, seeing that both Rick and I were naked. I froze. "Jesus Christ," I whispered, pushing my fingers through my hair. I was embarrassed; I didn't want to be that girl who got drunk at company-thrown-party's, and slept with someone I worked with. But, I guess I was that girl._

 _I crept out of bed as quietly as humanly possible, and walked over to my closet. I threw on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, and tiptoed to the bathroom. I washed my face with cold water, with hopes that it would rid me of this overwhelmingly dizzy feeling. I looked in the mirror and grunted, taking off my Christmas earrings, placing them on the vanity. "I'm never drinking again," I exclaimed, wiping my face with a hand towel. "Never. Never." I felt disgusting. I could hardly concentrate, or walk. I was dying of thirst, but I knew that if I had as little as a sip of water, I would probably vomit._

 _I could still smell liquor spewing from my body. I felt like Rum and Vodka were running out of my pores. I just wanted to go back to sleep, but, I couldn't. There was a man in my bed; a man who I would, at that moment, feel mortified to see._

 _I opened my bathroom door, and quietly stepped out, heading for the door. Still half-drunk from the night before, I was clumsy and unbalanced. I only took a few steps before kneeing the bed. Rick jumped up as if the house shook, and my heart dropped. I swallowed hard, holding my breath. This is awkward. We both kind of sat there, just looking at each other. "Hi," he said, looking at me as if I had two heads._

 _I pressed my lips together. "Hi," I returned._

 _Again, there was an awkward silence. I shrugged my shoulders, running my hand down the back of my head. "Are you- are you hungry?" I asked. Rick looked shocked, which made things even more uncomfortable. "Sure," he answered, clearing his throat._

 _"Okay. I'll go- I'll go make somethin'." I rushed out of my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I let out a lung-full of air, and pressed my back against the wall. "What the hell is wrong with me?" I whispered, putting my hand to my chest. "What'n the hell is wrong with him? He seems worse than I do."_

 _I walked downstairs and into the kitchen, opening the fridge, pulling out eggs and frozen pancakes. "This is goin' to be weird," I told myself, scrambling the eggs country style. "So, so weird." My encounter with Rick just a few minutes ago was pretty awful, weird, awkward; painful, even. Now, we were going to sit across from each other and eat breakfast. I started thinking of random things we could talk about: "The weather," I offered to myself. "Yeah. Because that would be a great thing to talk about- the weather."_

 _I've been talking to myself a lot already this morning._

 _I set the table, putting the eggs and pancakes in the middle, next to a pitcher of orange juice. I could head Rick open my bedroom door, and my heart started to race. "Here we go."_

 _He froze at the bottom of my stairs, and I gave him a half-ass smile. "Smells good," he complimented._

 _"Thanks. It's just eggs and some frozen hotcakes. Well, they're not frozen anymore- you get what I'm saying; I microwaved them. There wasn't much to it."_

 _I felt like a complete idiot fumbling with my words. "Help yourself," I insisted, turning my back to put the dirty dishes in the sink, and rolling my eyes at myself._

 _"Thank you."_

 _I took a seat across from Rick, fixing my plate. "How are you this mornin'?" He asked._

 _"Not too good. I think I'm still a little drunk from last night."_

 _Rick let out a laugh, taking a sip of his juice. "You were pretty gone," he said, raising his eyebrows._

 _"I believe that," I nodded. "If I throw these eggs up- forgive me."_

 _"Ey, I might be right behind you," he chuckled._

 _As Rick and I talked, I began to feel more and more comfortable, and I could tell that he was less tense. We laughed a lot- I like that._

 _"I can't believe I drove," he shook his head, sounding disappointed in himself. "I shouldn't of."_

 _"It wasn't very far. You weren't that bad; not until we got back here," I said._

 _"Yeah," he mumbled, shifting in his seat. "Did- you have a good night last night?" I looked at his face, realizing what he was really asking was: Did you have a good night with me last night?_

 _"I did," I bit my lip. "I don't remember all of it. But I had a good night. How about you?"_

 _He put his thumb to the corner of his mouth and smirked, "I had a really good time."_

 _"Good," I smiled._

 _I began to feel a burning sensation in the pit of my stomach. I like him; I could feel it. I like him a lot._


	9. Chapter nine: TWD

**Thank you for the reviews! I'm happy people are seeming to like my story.**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 _Nine_

There were hundreds of car flooding this highway to Atlanta. We hadn't moved in hours, which caused tension to rise. I started to wonder how _this_ many people were going to fit into the city itself; it wasn't possibly big enough. But, this is where they told us to go, so this is where _everyone_ fled.

Even though there were _thousands_ of people around me, I felt completely alone. I sat in the backseat on Shane's patrol car by myself, while Shane, Lori and Carl made friends with a couple and their young daughter who were ahead of us. I didn't feel comfortable; to be honest, I much rather of stayed at my house and _rotted,_ as Lori put it, than to be here, stuck in this position. Every now and then, she would glance at me through the windshield with a look of utter disgust, and with every glare, my heart would get more and more tense. _And with every glare,_ I wanted to jump out of the car, and smack her across the face. I was more than done with her attitude.

I couldn't take my mind off of Rick, and the fact that he died, thinking I hated him. _That_ took me to a place of sadness that I had never been before, and the more I obsessed over it, the further I sunk into an emotionless pit. I would give anything to reverse time, and just send him _one last text;_ just to tell him that it was okay, and that I was happy for him- just to tell him anything. But I couldn't, and I would never be able to again. It was over, even if I didn't want it to be. All of the words that were left unsaid, all of the feelings, none of that mattered. Everything I felt had to be bottled away, and _thrown away._ That chance was gone.

My heart stopped when Shane opened the car door, and plopped into the front seat. "You alright?" He asked, flicking through the radio stations.

I didn't answer him. He knew I wasn't _alright._

"What'n the hell?" He mumbled.

"What?" I asked, my voice was groggy.

"Damn broadcast is gone."

I sat up for the first time in what seemed like forever, leaning into the center console. "You check the other stations?"

"There _is no_ other stations; everything's static."

"Why would they take if off the air? Maybe to update information?"

Shane shook his head, "they wouldn't take it off air for that- gi'me a minute," he said, crouching out of the car, walking over to Lori.

Mu curiosity was growing, and I started to become skeptical about the so-called _safe zone_ in Atlanta. I rested my back against the seat, looking out of the window. People were getting impatient.

Shane opened the door, almost causing me to fall out. "Come on," he said, gesturing for me to get out of the car.

"Jesus," I shouted, regaining my balance on the seat. "Come where?" I growled.

"Up the road- see if we can find anything out."

"I really doubt anyone is going to know anything _more,"_ I groaned, reluctantly getting out of the car. "You're a cop. You would know more than any of these people." Shane shook his head, annoyed by my attitude. "It's better than just sittin' here doin' nothin'."

I stretched my back out, realizing that I hadn't been out of the car in hours. I took a deep breath and followed Shane down the road. It was so loud from everyone's chatter that I could hardly hear myself think. People were starting to freak out. There were kids crying, people screaming- even fights breaking out right in the middle of the highway. _This is really bad,_ I thought.

As Shane and I walked, avoiding the chaos, I could feel his eyes burying into my skin. I knew he was curious as to what happened between Rick and I, and I knew we were going to have the conversation some time. I lit a cigarette, taking a long pull, "what?" I asked, exhaling the smoke.

"What d'ya mean _what?"_

I let out a small, annoyed chuckle. "I know you have questions," I took another drag. "So you'd better ask them, because we _will not_ be talkin' about this again."

"Fair enough," he sighed, scratching the back of his head. "Why don't you just tell me what happened."

My heart started to speed in my chest, and I shook my head. "How long?" He asked.

"It was a long time," I whispered.

"What was it? A fling- a relationship- what?"

I hated that word: _fling._ "It wasn't a _fling._ Not to me." I was starting to get upset. _What did Rick consider us to be?_ I wondered. "Remember the Christmas party?" I continued. "That's when it started." Shane cocked his head back, looking surprised. "He told me they weren't together, drove me home, it went from there."

"He told you they weren't together- s'that it?" He asked cockily, as if he didn't believe me. I took another drag from my cigarette, starting to regret this walk altogether. "I couldn't give a fuck less who believes me. That is what that man told me, that is what I believed." I could feel myself getting more and more defensive. "You know something?" I started. "Everyone always feels bad for the _wives_ in situations like this- I do too- if the other woman _know_ about the _wife._ I didn't. I feel like Rick cheated on _me_ with his _wife."_

"You love him?" He asked bluntly.

"I did," I answered, biting my lip. "I- I thought I did. I thought he did."

As the conversation went on, I was getting angry at Rick all over again. That's not what I wanted; I didn't want to hold anger toward a man who couldn't even defend his side of the story. I didn't want to _hate_ a man that I loved. A man that was dead. "That's all over now though. Isn't it?" I was sarcastic. I could feel my eyes filling with tears. "There's no point in talkin' about it. There's no goin' back to it- he's dead."

Shane put his hand on my shoulder, stopping us from our walk up the road. "I tried to save him, Jess."

"That's not what I was sayin' Shane. I have no doubt that you did everything you could to try and save that man. I just- I meant there's no point in talking about a situation that has no possible way of ever getting resolved."

"I'm sorry," he whispered. I winced my eyes, feeling like someone kicked me in the throat. "You mean it?" My voice was shaking. It felt unreal to have someone recognize _my_ pain. He nodded, "I didn't think Rick was like that. You tell Lori what really happened?"

I shook my head. "She wouldn't want to hear it anyway; she feels how she feels. She just doesn't know she's _wrong."_ Our conversation broke when we saw people running to a clearing in the trees where you could get a better look at the city. "Come on," Shane said, grabbing my arm.

I felt better telling someone the truth. Not having to hide it anymore, and actually having someone who seemed to be on my side made the wight lift from my chest just a little. He said he was _sorry_ for me, and that sunk in.

We pushed through a group of people to get a better look at Atlanta. _Where's the safe zone?_ I thought. _Something isn't right._ The city was black. There were no lights on, no sound, _nothing._ This is where we were directed to go, _thousands of us._ How could there be no activity in the street? _What the fuck?_

I moved closer to Shane, who looked just as confused as I did. "I don't understand this," I shook my head. The ground started to vibrate, and the trees went wild as four helicopters flew just over our heads. I buried my face into Shane's shoulder. _I was scared._

Time seemed to come to a complete standstill when we saw the helicopters drop bombs into the streets of the city they told us to go to. Shane pulled away from me, putting his hands on his head. "They're dropping Napalm in the streets," he whispered in shock. I stumbled backward, putting my hand over my heart. "Why would they do that?" I cried. Shane walked up to me, his eyes were bugged. He pulled my head into his chest, "It'll be alright-"

"I'll tell you _why,"_ a man said stepping over to us. "There was no sanctuary to begin with," he laughed. "That's our Government doin' what they do best baby girl- leavin' us people to _die."_ I froze, looking at the man with tears in my eyes. He looked rough, and had a bottle of Whisky in his hands. "Don't worry about him," another man said, stepping forward, pushing the _rough_ man back a few steps. Shane grabbed me by my shoulder, pulling me away from the two strangers. "Maybe there's another message on the radio tellin' us what to do- where to go," he said, trying to comfort me.

"Ain't no other place to go," the man mocked. "You should know how they work," he pointed to Shane. "You work for 'em." He laughed, taking a giant swig from his bottle.

"Shut the hell up Merle," the other man yelled. "Look man," Shane grunted, stepping to the man named _Merle._ "Why don't you just take a few steps back, alright?" He demanded.

"Oh, come on _officer,"_ Merle continued, obviously wasted. The other man walked over to Merle, violently grabbing him by his shoulder, yanking him away from us.

Shane looked at me, and I could see my fear reflect from his eyes. "We'll find somewhere else to go, alright?" He took my face into his hands, wiping a tear from my cheek with his thumb.

" _There is no other way- this is it,"_ Merle slurred. "You really think this is some kind of _virus._ You really think they'd start bombing the streets of fuckin' Atlanta over a fuckin' _virus?_ " Merle was becoming more and more belligerent, but kept laughing. "You really think someone who just got shot through the chest is just gone keep fightin'? You ain't that dumb are you? It's the dead- they ain't _dead."_

Shane let go of my face, pumping out his chest, walking toward Merle with his hands at his side. "I'ma tell you again to shut your fuckin' mouth before I do it for you-"

"Merle, go somewhere," the man shouted, rushing in between him and Shane. "Christ. You're like a damn tick."

Merle shook his head, _still laughing,_ and stumbled over to the tree-line, sitting down and drinking his Whiskey. 'Don't mind him," the man said, looking at the drunk in disgust. "He's my _brother."_

"What's he talkin' about- the dead not bein' dead. What is that?" I asked.

"I'll tell you what it is," Shane bolted, standing in between the man and I. The man put his hands up, "it's true," he said, looking at Shane and I with complete seriousness.

"It's true," Merle's brother whispered, looking around like he didn't want anyone else to hear him. "We saw it happen to our old man. He was dead for a couple of hours- then he got up again," he explained. "We tried to take him down- we couldn't. We had to put a bullet in his head."

I looked at Shane, noticing that he was getting more and more annoyed. "What's your name?" I asked, pushing Shane behind me.

"Daryl-"

"So Daryl, what is this? A zombie apocalypse- is that what you're sayin'?" I asked. Daryl nodded, causing Shane to laugh sarcastically and walk away. I took a deep breath, "okay," I said, trying to be as nice as possible. "So what do we do?"

"We were thinkin' about goin' to this spot a couple'a miles from here; it's in the hills. We used to fish there a lot as kids."

I looked down at my feet, closing my eyes. "Y'all can follow us there if you want- if you ain't got nowhere else to go" Daryl offered. "No," Shane shouted, walking back over t Daryl and I. "Y'all- y'all can do whatever you want. But we're gone sit here and wait. Even if we _were_ to follow you, how'n the hell are we supposed to get anywhere? It's bumper-to-bumper traffic."

"Drive up on the grass; ain't no one gone stop you," Daryl mumbled. "You can do what you want- but don't be surprised when them helicopters come back 'round and start droppin' bombs on this highway." Daryl looked at his brother, who was still sitting on the ground with a mouthful of liquor. "Come on," he said, struggling to get him up. "Get your drunk ass up. We got'a go." I watched as the two brothers walked away. "Good luck," Daryl said, trying to keep his brother from falling.

"Wait," I shouted, running over to them. "Where y'all parked?"

"Just down the road a bit."

"We'll be in a patrol car up that way a bit," I pointed. "Our lights will be on." Daryl nodded, "Alright. We'll wait for ya."

I ran back to Shane, who had anger written all over his face. "We ain't goin' with them, Jessa."

I scrunched my face, "why not?"

"They're fuckin' drunks- you really believe there's dead people walkin' the streets? Come on. You ain't that crazy are you?"

I cocked my head back, slightly offended by his _that crazy_ comment. "They just dropped bombs in the fucking city," I hissed. "I'd say _that's_ pretty _crazy._ Wouldn't you?"

He shook his head, taking a deep breath. "Look," I continued. "I'm not sayin' that I agree with what they're sayin'. But if they're bombing Atlanta, they will hit this highway- and I won't be here for that- even if I have to leave with them alone."

Shane rubbed his hand down his face, "I'll tell you what: If those two assholes try anything, I _will_ hurt them. And that blood- that'll be on your hands."

"Whatever," I said, grabbing his hand and running toward the car. "We go'ta hurry up."

Shane and I ran back to his patrol car, and saw Lori, who was almost in tears. "What was that?" She cried. "Did they just bomb the city?" Shane grabbed her by here shoulders, trying to calm her down. "We got another plan," he said, looking into her eyes. "We'll be safe. You and Carl will be safe."

I threw open the driver's side door, turning the lights and sirens on. "What plan?" She asked, wiping the tear from her face.

"We're goin' up to some camping spot with these two guys we just met," I said, standing on my toes to see if the brothers were on their way. "They think there's more than just some sickness floatin' around."

She looked to Shane for answers. "We'll talk about that later," he said, rubbing her arm. "What about Carol and her daughter?" Lori shouted, putting her hand on Carol's back. "We can't just leave them here."

"We'll ask if they can go, too." I answered. "I'm sure they'll be okay with it." I waved to an old beat up truck driving down the grass that I assumed were the brothers. "C'mon," Daryl said, pulling up next to us, hanging his arm out of the window.

"Baby, get in the car," Lori told Carl, she was visibly shaken.

"Where are we going, mom?"

"Just get'n the car- we'll talk about that on the way there."

I walked up to Daryl's truck, "would it be okay if that woman and her family followed too?" I asked, pointing to the short-haired woman.

"Fine with us," Daryl answered.

"Thanks," I said, walking over to the woman who I had never met. "You can follow us." She seemed relieved. "I'm Jessa, by the way."

"I'm Carol- Sofia," she gestured to her daughter, who was clinging to her wait.

"Lets go," Shane yelled, pounding at the roof of the car.

I sat in the backseat next to Carl, and smiled at him. _He looks so much like his father,_ I thought as he smiled back. As Shane pulled out behind Daryl, I looked out of the window. _What's going to happen to all of these people? What's going to happen to us? What the fuck is even happening?_

"Mom where are we going?" Carl asked, shifting in his seat.

"We're goin' campin', Bud," Shane said with a smile. "It'll be fun."


	10. Chapter ten: TWD

_A/N: I'm sorry I haven't written in quite some time! I've been super busy with work and school. I'm actually going to start on another story that I was writing through my other account here soon; so keep a look out! Thank you for the feedback. I'm happy people seem to be liking the story so far!_

 _Ten_

The heat from the afternoon Sun boiled my skin. It was hot- it was _always_ hot. We quickly learned just how much we took for granted before the world went to shit: air conditioning, indoor plumbing, clean water, _food,_ everything. It was absolutely miserable, but we were alive- even though I must admit, sometimes, I wasn't sure if that was _such_ a blessing.

Thirty-eight days ago is when our lives _truly_ changed- - thirty-eight days since we fled up to this lifesaving hell-hole. It turns out, the Dixon brothers were right: this was more than _just_ a virus. This was something that wasn't going to fix itself. If ever, even.

When I first heard Merle's drunken nonsense about how the dead weren't really dead, I didn't want to believe him. _I didn't believe him._ But, he was right and the dead quickly took over everything. This was their world now, and we were just trying to survive in it. Although this quarry, or- _the Dixon's fishing spot,_ was one of the reasons we were alive right now, it was hell. The sweltering heat scorched our camp; even taking refuge in the shade, there was no escaping the intense, brutal, daily sultriness. The dust and dirt floated in the air at all times, sticking to our sweaty skin, leaving us absolutely gross.

More people shared the Dixon brother's idea of taking refuge up here; we had a pretty good group going. There was Carol, her husband Ed and their daughter Sofia. Carol was very timid and quiet, her daughter was even more reluctant to break out of her shell, only really speaking to her mother and Carl. We all knew why Carol and her daughter were so fearful, and that was because of Carol's husband, Ed. He was abusive toward his daughter and his wife, the both of them would come out of their tent in the morning with bruises and scratches. Carol would always deny the _fact,_ but we _all_ knew it.

Of course there were the Dixon brothers. If it weren't for them, I'm almost positive Shane, Lori, Carl and I wouldn't be here today. Daryl was much more likable than his brother. He was calm and helpful- Merle was rude and selfish. Honestly, after several attempts to sleep with me, saying crude and vulgar things almost constantly- I couldn't stand Merle. I even questioned whether or not he and Daryl were _biological_ brothers; they were completely different from one another.

There was Morales, his wife and their two children. Glenn, who seemed constantly on edge. T-Dog and Jacqui, who found their way to the quarry together. Jim, who was a bit of a loner, and then there was Shane, Lori, Carl and me- _our own little community._ Even though there were more people here than we anticipated, none of us came prepared for _this._ We only had three tents in camp, which we unanimously decided to let the families reside in: Lori and Carl, Carol and her family and Morales and his family. The rest of us slept _under the stars,_ and as great as that sounds, doing it for _thirty-eight days_ isn't fun.

Every few days, one of us would go on a run to the outskirts of the city to scavenge whatever we could- today was my day. I usually had no problem going alone. However, with the number of geeks being spotted roaming around further from the city, one being not too far from camp, having someone go with me seemed _most_ appealing. "Hey, Glenn?" I waved, shielding the Sun from my eyes. "You seen Shane? Goin' on a run in a bit- I'd like him to come with."

Glenn shook his head, "I think Lori and him went to get some more firewood- but I'm not sure."

"Oh," I sighed, looking over at the giant pile of firewood we _already_ had stacked. "Well, if you happen to see him, can you let him know I need him for a minute?"

"Sure."

Lori and Shane being MIA during the day seemed to be a reoccurring thing. They'd take off, everyday for about an hour or so, to collect _berries_ or _firewood,_ but they'd never come back with much. Hell, Lori even asked _me_ to keep an eye on Carl for a while because she _had to pee,_ and was gone for over an hour. To my sarcastic surprise, Shane was gone during that time, too; looking for small game, or whatever bullshit excuse he decided to use that day. It was more than obvious that Shane and Lori sparked some kind of _something_ over the last few weeks, which was none of my business. I just found it comical how quickly her attention flew from her _husband,_ and into Shane's pants. Honestly, it made me ill.

"Hey Jess," I heard coming from behind me. _Shane._

"Glenn said you needed me for somethin'?"

I stood from the ground, wiping the dirt from my hands on my pants. "I'm gettin' ready to go on a run," I said, squinting my eyes. "Don't really want to go alone. Would you come wit-"

" _Leave?"_ Lori cut me off, looking up at Shane with pouty-eyes. "I don't think you should leave- we need you here to keep us safe."

"We wouldn't be long," I mumbled.

"That walker wasn't that far from camp the other day," she continued, completely ignoring me.

Shane nodded, agreeing with her. I bit the inside of my lip _hard,_ "I thought _Jim_ put that walker down," I mentioned, with a sarcastic tone to my voice, letting Lori know that her reasoning for not wanting Shane to go with me was complete bullshit. She glared at and shook her head, "maybe you can ask Jim to help you then," she hissed, causing me to let out a _fuck you_ chuckled.

Things between Lori and I never got any better, but weren't really any different. We hardly spoke, and when we did, it was forced and tension-filled. But, what shocked me, was that Shane and I had virtually _no_ relationship anymore. We would go literal days without speaking to each other, and when we did, he was very short. I was almost positive that whatever it was that he had going on with Lori had a huge part in our friendship fizzling away, and it hurt me. _It hurt me bad._

I stood there for a minute, looking at Shane, not sure what to do. _How could you just say no like that?_ I thought. _You know the situation- you know it's not safe. I'm asking you to have my back if I need it._

 _"_ I'll go," Daryl chimed in, looking up from a piece of wood he'd been carving.

"Didn't you go, like, two days ago?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

"So," he spat. "I need to get the Hell out of here anyway."

"Oh, well- thanks."

"I'll be in the tuck."

I pressed my lips together and nodded, looking over at Shane and Lori who were just staring at me. "Good to know at least _Daryl_ doesn't mind having someone's back," I muttered as I walked away.

"If you can't handle it alone, then maybe you shouldn't go at all," Shane snapped, rubbing at the back of his head.

I stopped walking, tilting my head to the side, "really?"

"Really what? I'm tryin' to keep people saf-"

I put my finger up, causing him to stop talking, "don't say _people."_ Shane looked at me like he didn't understand the words that were coming from my mouth. _But he did._ "There's only a selective few that you care about _keeping safe."_

"You really believe that?" His voice was filled with anger.

"Come on," Daryl shouted. "Lets go."

I smiled at Shane, "yeah," I whispered, and walked away.


	11. Chapter eleven: TWD

_Eleven_

The anxious feeling in the pit of my chest was one that I couldn't escape from. Things were awkward enough between Shane, Lori and I, and our little dispute will do nothing but make it worse. But I couldn't help myself; I was angry, and I wasn't going to allow anyone to talk down to me. ' _If you can't handle it on your own, then maybe you shouldn't go at all_.' I found his words to be blatantly rude. I have gone by myself- I've gone to keep our camp afloat more than _he_ has. _Who in the Hell does he think he is_?

"You like music?" Daryl asked, trying to break the ice.

"I haven't heard any in a while- but I think so," I chuckled. Going back to the _things we took for granted list_ , music was somewhere near the top of that list.

Daryl reached over me, opening the glove box. "There's a lot of tapes in there- Country, Rock. Pick one out if you want."

"Cool," I said, rummaging through his massive collection of tapes. "You have a lot of good shit here."

"Yeah?" He sounded surprised. "Thought you'd like Brittany Spear or somethin'."

I let out a laugh, "you mean Brittany _Spears_?"

"I guess."

"Not so much. I've always been more of a rocker-chick; my dad was a bit of a metal-head. I guess it's in my blood."

"You remember your family good?"

"Yeah," I muttered, pushing my hair out of my face. "I tried calling them before everything went dead, but I didn't get an answer."

"You ever wonder if they made it?"

"I try not to think about that. Even if they did, I wouldn't be able to make it to them."

I pushed my head against the window. Even though I hardly thought about my parents, I missed them. A lot.

Our relationship was rocky. When I was 16, I decided to move to Georgia with my aunt to put some space between my parents and I. Sometimes I just thought they were never really fit to be parents. But it seemed like space was just what we needed; and even though I moved hundreds of miles away from them, we became closer over the last twelve years than we had ever been when I lived with them. Now, I'll treasure those memories, with extreme doubt that I'll ever see them again.

"Don't lose hope," Daryl said, shifting in his seat. "Maybe they'll find you one day."

"Maybe."

My thoughts started trailing off onto other people who I missed dearly. Rick being one of them; possibly the one person who I missed the absolute most. I would give anything just to hear his voice again. But, like with my parents, I'll just treasure every memory, while being positive that I'll never see him again.

"People?" Daryl whispered, pushing his chest against the steering wheel, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Wh-?"

I sat on my hands, looking through the windshield when I saw an RV with an older man and a young blonde. "Should we stop?" I asked. "They look like they're having car troubles."

" _RV troubles_ ," Daryl smirked, pulling up a few feet behind them. "Stay in the truck. I'll go make sure everything's safe."

"They do look _so_ intimidating," I giggled.

"Better be safe than sorry."

I watched as Daryl walked over to the two, when another blonde stepped out of the RV, wiping her face with a rag, looking distressed. They talked for a few minutes before Daryl gestured for me to come out. They all watched as I stepped out of the truck and walked over to them. "This is Jessa," Daryl introduced, and I put my hand out. The older man shook my hand, and looked grateful for our presence. "Boy, am I happy to see you guys. I'm Dale, this is Andrea- Amy." I smiled to the girls, assuming they were Dale's daughters. "What's wrong with your camper?" I asked.

"The damn fan belt- the one thing I don't have, if you could imagine that."

"You wouldn't happen to have one handy, would you?" Andrea asked.

"No," Daryl answered. "We were just making a store-run for our group. We can see if we can find one."

"That'd be great," Dale said, wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Group?" Amy chimed. "You guys have a group?"

"We do; up in the hills-"

"Is it safe?" She asked frantically.

"As safe as safe can get I guess."

"Can we come with you guys?"

"Amy, relax," Dale spat. "They're already doing enough."

"Oh," I said, putting my hand to my chest. "I don't think anyone would mind. Daryl?"

"I don't think it'd be a problem."

Amy crouched to her knees, "oh thank God."

"Let's try to get the RV runnin' first," Daryl offered. "We'll go find a fan belt, then y'all can follow us up to camp."

"I really appreciate it," Dale said. "We weren't sure what we were going to do. We've been traveling to _no where_ for a long time now."

"Dale picked Amy and I up on the road days ago. It'd be nice to have a place to call _home_ ," she chuckled. "Thank you. Really."

I put my hands in my pockets and shrugged my shoulders, "well, let's go get what we need before we lose day light."

"I'd give you money for the belt- but I don't think you're going to need it," Dale joked. For whatever reason, I found his stale joke outstandingly funny, and started laughing along with Dale. _He seems nice enough_ , I thought.

"Y'all sit tight," Daryl said, looking at me like he was so sure why I was laughing as hard as I was. "We'll be back in a bit."

I followed Daryl to the truck, still laughing. "It wasn't even that funny," Daryl smirked. "I know," I shouted. "That's the funniest part about it."

I opened the glove box, pulling out a random tape, and put it in the radio. For some reason, seeing other people who were alive, almost made me high. Maybe there's still hope for us- _for this world_.

Daryl and I drove the rest of the way in silence, with the windows down and the music up and it almost seemed _normal_. But when we got to the shopping complex, we were shot back into reality. "That's more than I've ever seen here," I said, looking at the small group of walkers in the parking lot. Now, I was even more grateful for Daryl choosing to come with me. "How do you want to do this?" He asked, pulling into the parking lot.

"I don't know. What do you think? We can't shoot; we're too close to the city."

"Right. I got my bow- I'll go in, just watch my back."

"Definitely."

The walkers noticed our truck, and slowly started stumbling toward us. Daryl and I quickly opened the doors, and he started shooting his bow. I grabbed my bat from the truck's bed, and ran up to the walker furthest from the group, smashed it's head in. The smell was absolutely foul. Another walker- or, _crawler_ , quickly dragged it's body over to me. I slung my bat over my head, and with all of my might, swung down, crushing it's head. "You alright?" Daryl yelled, aiming his bow, shooting another geek through its forehead. "I'm good," I answered, kicking another down with my foot, and driving my bat into it's skull.

Within a few minutes, Daryl and I killed all of the walkers in the parking lot. Now, we were both exhausted and breathless. There's a certain amount of adrenaline that pumps through your body whenever you see the _dead_ , and for some reason, I've never gotten used to putting them down. Once the deed was over, I would crash. "Well," I panted. "We got them."

"Fucking right we did."

We sat on the curb for a few minutes before walking into the store. Throughout the last month, we've practically cleared out every store in the complex. It was time for a new plan, a bigger, more dangerous run.

"Here's a belt," Daryl said.

"Is it the right size?" I asked.

"It is- one thing that went right today."

"Lucky us," I mumbled.

Daryl and I scavenged whatever else we could out of the store, which wasn't much. We loaded it in the truck, and were on our way back to the RV.

The drive back was quiet, and stress-filled. My mind was on the fact that we were going to have to make a trip into the city to get what we needed, and I knew Daryl was thinking the same thing. I knew the city was full of the dead, and the fact that some of us were going to have to find a way in and out made me sick to my stomach.

We pulled up next to Dale's RV, and were welcomed with opened arms. "Did you find anything?" Amy asked, seemingly terrified of the answer.

Daryl pulled the fan belt from the truck's floor, "we found it- right size and all."

The RV group let out a joyful shriek, putting their hands in the air. "We can't thank you enough," Andrea whispered.

I spent the next twenty minutes talking with Andrea and Amy, who I found out to be sisters, while Dale and Daryl changed the RV's fan belt. They were nice, and like Daryl and Merle, completely different. They explained to me that they were on a trip with each other when the world died, and that before that, they were never that close. It was clear how much they loved each other. I always wondered how much more comforting it would be to face this with a friend, or family member. I envied the ones who had that quite a bit.

When Dale started the RV, the sisters looked like they had hit the lottery. _I was happy for them_. I was happy to bring them back to camp; it was going to be nice to have new faces around, faces that I could see as friends.

"You'll follow us up there," I heard Daryl say to Dale. "It's not far- only a few miles."

"I guess I'll see you guys there," I smiled at Andrea and Amy.

"God willing," Dale said with a smile, putting his arms over the girls' shoulders. "I for one am excited. How about you girls?"

"Yes," Amy gushed. "It'll be nice just to have some place to be."

"We'd better get movin'," Daryl claimed. "Before it gets too late."

We all nodded, and headed for our vehicles. "They're happy, yeah?" I stated.

"Better than being stranded here."

We drove back to camp, and I kept a close eye on the RV through the side view mirror, just in case there were any troubles.

When we pulled into camp, the group was sitting around the campfire. When Shane noticed the unfamiliar RV, he looked pissed. _Well, here we go_ , I thought.

"What's this?" He asked as I opened the passenger-side door.

"New people- we found them broke down on the highway. Daryl fixed their camper; I didn't think it'd be a problem for them to come with us."

"You didn't think to ask first?" Shane hissed, still standing in front of me.

I looked at him with anger. " _Oh_ , I'm sorry," I spat sarcastically. "I would have but my _phone_ isn't working." Shane let out an annoyed filled laugh, which fueled my fire. "Get off of my ass," I demanded, pushing him out of my way, walking toward the woods.

"Where ya goin'? Ain't you gone make your friends feel welcomed?" His attitude was obvious.

I kept walking, hearing him follow me. "They'd never feel welcome with an asshole like yourself prancing around here like you run shit."

Shane ran up to me, tugging my shoulder, causing me to face him. "What'n the Hell is with you lately?"

"With _me?_ " I shot back. "There isn't a damn thing wrong with _me-_ maybe you should ask _yourself_ why you can't be a fucking decent person anymore. It's always some bullshit- every time you open your mouth to say _anything_ to me." I started walking away, but he stopped me. "I'm fucking sick of it, Shane. Just don't talk to me if you have a God damn problem with everything I fucking do."

"You're delusional," he claimed, eyes wide.

"Oh, that's amazing," I laughed. "You haven't been an asshole- nope. I'm just delusional. Just- please- get the fuck out of my face." This time, when I walked away he didn't stop me, and at this point, I was really starting to harbor bad feelings toward Shane. I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to see him or anyone else. I just wanted to be left alone for a while.

I walked down to the water, and without hesitation, jumped in. _The only good thing about this shit-hole,_ I said to myself. Honestly, if it weren't for _this,_ I would probably leave- or die. Whichever happened quicker. It was the only thing that I found relaxing. I loved floating on my back, looking up at the sky, watching the birds soar.

"Jessa?" I heard faintly through the water. _I ignored whoever it was._

"Jessa," it got a little bit louder.

"Hello? Jess."

I shot up in the water, now a bit angrier than I was before. "What?" I screamed.

When I wiped the water from my eyes, noticing Glenn standing by the water, looking nervous as usual, I felt really bad. "I'm sorry, Glenn. I've just- I've had a long day."

"That's okay," he said, his voice sounding shaky.

"What is it?"

"Everyone's looking for you- group meeting."

 _Lovely._ "Okay. I'll be right there," I said, forcing a smile. _Fuck me sideways._

I stumbled out of the water, ringing out my hair. This was the last thing I wanted to do; I just wanted to be alone. With a deep breath, I put my shoes on, and made my way up the hill toward camp.

When I got there, everyone was sitting around the fire ring. Andrea and Amy smiled at me, telling me to sit next to them, which made me feel a bit better.

"We're all here?" Shane asked. Everyone nodded. "Alright. Jess and Daryl went on a run today- as we all know," he started. "The stores are empty. There's nothing left. We need to plan a bigger trip- one inside the city."

"When?" T-Dog asked.

"The sooner the better-"

"Tomorrow," I suggested. "Just get it done and over with. We'll have what we need and then go from there. I'll go."

"We'll have to talk about who's all goi-"

"I'll go too," Andrea said, cutting Shane off.

Amy immediately looked uneasy. "Andrea?"

"It'll be my way to contribute. It'll be fine."

One by one, people from our group started volunteering to go: Andrea, Merle, T-Dog, Glenn, Jacqui, Morales and me.

"So we'll leave tomorrow then- _early,"_ I said. "Get in- get out."

"Everyone okay with that?" Shane asked, eyeing up the whole group. Once everyone nodded, Shane stood up, getting ready to end the _group meeting._ "Hey, Shane," Dale said, clearing his throat. "I have a few extra tents and sleeping bags in the RV. I Wouldn't mind handing them out; I probably have more than enough for everyone."

I perked up, _it would be awesome to sleep in something. _

"Thank you, Dale. We can set it all up tomorrow when everyone's on the run- it's a bit too late now."

"Also-" Dale continued. "I just want to say thank you to everyone for letting us stay with you all. It- it means a whole lot to the girls and I."

Everyone smiled, and say their _you're welcomes,_ and _no problems_ to Dale and the sisters. _I_ said goodnight to everyone and excused myself, walking to a bolder that overlooked the water. I wanted to mentally prepare myself for tomorrow. It was a scary to think about going to the city tomorrow. _We needed to,_ but the last time anyone went into the city to scavenge, it was Glenn. He almost died, and said the entire city is overrun with walkers. To say I was nervous was a complete understatement.

I jumped when I felt someone tap my shoulder. _Shane._ "Jesus Christ," I shouted, causing Shane to let out a small chuckle. "Relax," he whispered. "I wanted to talk to you."

"About?" My voice was flat. I had _no_ desire to talk to him about anything.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to go tomorrow- feel like you're runnin' yourself a bit hard."

"I don't really need you to think _anything._ I'm going because it's what our camp needs."

"I just thi-"

"Shane. Seriously, just save it."

"I'm sorry. Okay?" He put his hand on my shoulder. _I was shocked._ I couldn't take my eyes off of him; I wasn't sure what else to do. "I'm sorry. I know I've been being a dick."

"I- I don't really know what to say to that."

"You don't have to say anything. I'm just- sorry."

I took a deep breath, actually feeling like I could cry at any moment. "Well thank you," I muttered, feeling a lump in my throat. "That means something."

"We'll talk more tomorrow, alright? You just get some rest- you're gone need it."

"Thank you," I nodded, giving him a half smile.

"And you be safe tomorrow."

"I will."

 _I didn't expect that._


End file.
